December 31, 2013

A YEAR IN MY LIFE

There are years in life that You look back at and feel very grateful and happy. 2012 was exactly that kind of year and I was feeling a little bittersweet when that year ended. However now, I don't remember the last time when I was anticipating the New Year's Eve so much. Looking back at 2013 I couldn't say this was a very good or a very happy year. I feel so ready to move on to the New Year and I have many hopes for the upcoming 12 months. I'm pretty sure this year won't be remembered a lot because only several things happened which I'd like to remember with a smile. The rest of the year didn't come as easy as I'd hoped it would. This was definitely a challenging year to me. 

The first half of the year I was studying at the place which made me miserable and that took away lots of my energy, my health and my happiness. This year also brought challenging times in my family, I had to deal with a very tough breakup of my own and then at the end of the year we lost my dear and very much loved Grandmother. Because of all these and many more reasons I found out what it means to live with anxiety and how much effort it takes in everyday life.
It feels very sad that all the sad things took over my life and overshadowed the happy things. I would be very wrong to say that none of the good things happened. There were quite a lot of them : 
I went to 4 summer festivals where I made the best memories and loved all these days spent there and I've realized once again how much I love these place and how much I need these festivals in my life. I also went to London once again and spent a wonderful time there. I also went to see Depeche Mode and Lana del Rey live and these were the two best shows I have ever been to and I'm so grateful I had a chance to see both of these shows. 
Of course, the biggest highlight of this year is our Kitty. My family was thinking about getting a kitty for a long time but I think no one believed this would bring so many happiness into our home. She is still the cutest kitty and she is very very much loved here and I don't even imagine my life without her.

It's good that all these things happened and even though it was very difficult at times but I've learned many lessons. I wouldn't want them to happen ever again but lessons I've learned are really valuable and I cherish them a lot.

So for the New Years I hope for many things which include finally being able to fully get back on my feet and I also really want to get rid of my anxiety for good. I hope the next year this very day to be able to look back at the year and say how grateful I am for everything they brought to me. This would be the best gift I think. 
I wish everyone to step into the New Years with the head held high and to leave all the back things and misfortunes in this year and to open the doors of the year where all the magic happens!

December 29, 2013

DON'T BE AFRAID OF CHANGE

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This wasn't an easy post for me to write here but with the year approaching to its end I thought this was a good way for me to get some closure and move on to the new year without holding onto the things from the past which aren't so nice. Most of that time was very difficult to me and that's why it's not that easy to remember these things. This is a really long post, but I didn't know how to make it shorter. It's also probably the most personal thing I have ever written here so it's a little scary.
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So this whole story begins in my senior year of high school. When I was in my senior year of high school, one day I somehow decided that I will be going to study political science in university. Was I really interested in politics? No, not really. I wasn't interested in it at all to be honest so this decision I took is still a mystery to me. To be able to get into that place, you must have very high results as this is one of the top places in my country. So I worked really hard to get there. And in the Summer of 2012 I got what I wanted - I got a place at the University. Everyone around me was so proud of me, I was really proud of myself also (this is an amazing feeling) and I was expecting to start a new chapter of my life. It turns out that I was so so wrong. Almost all the time I instantly know whether I like something (or someone) or I don't. This feeling most of the time is right. 
So, from the very first day of a school year I realized that something was very off. It wasn't really right. I didn't like the atmosphere there, I didn't like the people that much, I didn't like the subject I had to study, none of the classes were interesting to me, the books or articles I had to read were absolutely torturing me and the beginning of university was really not nice. 

Sadly, this feeling of everything being wrong kept getting bigger and bigger as time went on. I became very sad, very very sad version of me. You know, when every day of your life you have to do things you absolutely hate, you live in a total misery. Also, I had to study a lot so I didn't really have that much of free time as well. Every day I kept questioning myself what was I doing there, why was I there where I absolutely hate everything. I hated going there, being there and tried to be there as little as possible. 
I wasn't able to connect with people either. Maybe the reason was that I really hated my major so I wasn't really the real me so that stopped me from getting to know these people who enjoyed their life at university. And most of the students were really loving their new lives. 
I really can't say anything bad about that institute, I'd actually say it's an amazing place to study with great lecturers and amazing possibilities to express yourself there in the political field. Students have really much freedom there. It just really wasn't for me. In any way. So I ended up hating absolutely everything that others enjoyed so much. 
From the very start until the very end I had one question spinning in my head - What am I doing here? This place was nothing I expected and absolutely nothing I loved in life. In high school I absolutely loved studying French or English languages, I adored history, sometimes I even liked math (it's a shame I wasn't really good at it) and I ended up being in a place where I didn't like anything. I missed French or history or literature so much and I was spending my nights with economics (how I HATE economics, oh my), the longest books in English about politics where I understood almost nothing or longest texts about Constitution and law. Everything absolutely different from what I really enjoy. I was stuck in life, really really stuck.
What didn't help also was seeing all of the students from my school, my friends having the time of their lives, enjoying studies, spending time with their new friends, being so happy once they graduated high school. And there was I - hating the life I chose for myself. That was probably the worst thing - knowing that I chose this myself that I made my life so miserable myself and that there's was nothing I could do about it. I tried everything, believe me, I tried everything - I tried to change my attitude, I tried adjusting really hard, I even tried to change myself to make myself believe I belonged there. But, to be honest, there wasn't a day I enjoyed being there, the feeling when you simply don't belong is terrible. I didn't belong to high school anymore, but I didn't belong to uni either. So I was nowhere, absolutely nowhere. 
When I was starting my second semester there I was almost sure I will be quitting this university. I knew it wasn't my place with all my heart. It was an incredibly hard decision to make, I was so afraid of letting people down. Sadly, I found out that I must stay until the end of the semester and pass all the exams and if not,  I had to pay a big amount of money which wasn't an option. There were many people really supporting my decision and wishing me luck with everything, but there also were people who weren't so happy about this. But I knew this was a right decision for me to take.
I counted days until my last exam, then I somehow passed everything (I really wasn't sure I will be able to make it) and I finally got out of there. When I closed the doors of that building for the last time, I felt so relieved. I didn't know then if my decision was really right if everything will be better at another place if I will ever regret this. And no, I still haven't regretted my decision. I think it was the best thing I could have done. It was so hard to do and caused so much pain and stress, but it was worth it.

So know I'm a freshman once again. Now I'm studying French and I really like it. I never expected everything to be perfect somewhere else and it really isn't now but at least every day is not miserable, I have people around me which I really like, I have great lecturers and the place I'm going to every day is just magical. Just like on the first days of being there last year I knew that it wasn't right, this year I almost instantly knew I made a right decision. Now I feel like I belong. And it's impossible to explain what an amazing feeling that is if you never felt like you seriously don't belong (but I think everyone felt like that at least once in their life) but it's great!

What I really wanted to say with this enormously long post was that you shouldn't be scared of making decisions that are right for you. Sometimes you just feel when things are not right and you need to escape but there are so many things keeping you from doing what you want, so many people which can't be let down.. But it's really worth taking a chance if you think it would make you happier. It's never too late to take a different road. It's really important to do what you want and especially when you are deciding where you want to go in your life it's so important to listen to your heart. It doesn't really matter that you're studying in the most prestigious place in the world and everyone around you is so proud of you, if you feel miserable every day of your life. You live your life, not others and that's the most important thing.  
I for sure know how difficult it is to change the road you're on but I also know how amazing it feels when you finally take the decision that's the best for you. I don't even want to think how miserable I'd be right now if I hadn't had the courage to do what I needed to do. I didn't know whether that would be a right decision this time but I knew that I would never forgive myself if I hadn't try to be happier somewhere else :)

December 24, 2013

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

I wish each and everyone of You a very happy and merry Christmas! I hope all of you are with people You love and cherish, enjoying meals together and spending lots of great time chilling and without worries. My Christmas will be very different and a lot sadder without one very loved family member this year  but I will try to have a nice time and try to finally chill a lot. 
Have an amazing time! My kitty is sending the best wishes too! :)

December 23, 2013

MY ENDLESS LIST OF GRATITUDE #4

 That's how my nails will look on Christmas. I love painting my nails, it relieves stress amazingly. And of course looks really nice! :)

It's so hard to believe that tomorrow is already Christmas Eve! December just flew by but I can finally start enjoying my very very needed holidays! After the very stressful morning and a lot of running to the exam (lucky me), I have so much free time now it's hard to believe. And that's amazing!

Yesterday I went to an amazing concert of two artists I adore and it was spectacular, just what I expected. That voice live is the best really. That created the perfect atmosphere and it's just the best start for Christmas.

This song is even better live!



Two of my exams are done! There's 4 more to come on January but I'm trying not to think about this now. The first one went really well so I'm really glad about this.

I just love how my city looks this Christmas. Whenever I see the Christmas tree it instantly puts smile on my face!

I'm soooo glad the most stressful week in Uni is over. It was a crazy time every day since the last Monday but we survived and didn't loose our sanity. At least I hope so : D

Today me and my lovely friend were walking down the street singing Christmas songs. Sometimes it's so nice to forget that your don't have an amazing singing voice (sadly), ignore people looking at you and just have fun!




December 21, 2013

KEEP THIS IN MIND



Just a quick reminder here : we should stop comparing our lives to others.  Especially now, on Christmas time, when we are pressured to have an amazing time and be happy all the time. Expectations are so high on Christmas day that it rarely comes true. I think Christmas along with New Years and Birthdays are the most overrated days of the year. These days are great, of course, but expectations for these days are a little too high.

All of the Christmas movies, blogs, videos, social media create this idea of people having perfect Christmas, perfect lives. Which in my opinion is rarely true. It‘s so easy to expose just the happiest, the prettiest parts of your life online and hide everything which is not so glittery. And that‘s perfectly fine, it‘s so much easier for everyone – for the ones who read and the ones who post things like that. The only problem is that it becomes so easy to compare your life to others. And I think everyone knows that comparing your life to others just makes you feel miserable and sucks all of the happiness out of your life. We also keep on hoping to have this perfect Christmas with so much snow, big and happy family sharing Christmas meals, having lots and lots of presents, having fun all the time and so on which so often don't happen. But it‘s so easy to forget that all these people online who have „perfect“ lives are exactly like everyone else of us – with disappointments, with hopes that don‘t come true, with heartbreaks, with lost friendships, stresses, etc.
I‘ve read this amazing post here the other day and I love love this quote ''I hope you don't compare real life to an edited one.''
 It‘s SO true. We forget this thing so often. No one has a perfect life, no one is happy all the time. And this is so important to remember because it stops us from feeling miserable and disappointed. What we should do is try to count our blessings not the other way. Because it‘s so easy to get lost and forget all amazing things everyone of us have and concentrate on the negative. It never gets you anywhere, it just make you sad. So everyone should lower the expectations and should start appreciating all the things they have just a little more. Christmas should be a happy time and we still should enjoy it to the fullest. And I just hope that everyone reading this is happy now and if not, I'd just like to remind that probably everyone has things to be grateful for and when You keep that in mind it becomes easier to be happier!





December 19, 2013

PRETTY LIGHTS ON THE TREE I'M WATCHING THEM SHINE


 We FINALLY have our Christmas tree! We always have our tree quite early on before Christmas however this year I was a little scared that Christmas is going come before we'll have a Christmas tree. But two days ago my Dad fiiiinally brought this gorgeous tree home and then I started my work. 
Every year I'm the most excited about the tree so it's kinda my job to decorate it. And I love it so I don't complain about that of course. I play some Christmas music (this year I listened to Michael Bublé while I decorated) and I start. This year I also had a new addition to my work process - I had to try to stop my kitty from trying to climb it. But now it's all good and pretty and I'm actually really proud of myself because this year our Christmas tree looks really beautiful and I love it! It's now officially Christmas in our home! 
Home instantly feels a hundred times cozier and that fresh tree's smell is just amazing. I just love this whole process of decorating home for the Christmas time. I probably look a little obsessed about Christmas but I just love this time of the year, it's definitely my favorite one and I just like to enjoy it to the fullest!






 That's what happened when my Dad brought the tree. Our gorgeous Luna is protecting the tree.

December 16, 2013

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR



That was exactly what I needed! I mean, when you spend so much time reading the books and flipping through all these pages full of information which I could now probably use as a blanket, it's kinda easy to forget that's still the Christmas time now and it's absolutely necessary to use it and enjoy it as much as it's possible. 
So this weekend I finally let myself to chill for a while and even though I still have spent the entire Saturday studying, I've had the perfect evening. Awesome friend + champagne with berries and ice cream + tasty and unhealthy food + Christmas movies + talking until the early morning - that's what I'm talking about. I'm so so thankful that I have people in my life who are so wonderful.
I have to remind myself sometimes how important it is to recharge your batteries once in a while because it's actually really easy to forget to take care of yourself when you have a lot of things to do and many things to stress about. But we all deserve some time to chill after a ton of work.
Now there's only one, one week left until I will finally be able to relax for a while. In one week two of the exams will be over and I will be able to enjoy my holidays I really deserve.
And by the way, we finally have our Christmas tree. Yay!



December 15, 2013

MY ENDLESS LIST OF GRATITUDE #3


 This is one of my favorite places of my city. It's Lithuanian National Opera and Ballet Theatre. I love it!

I'm pretty sad that December is flying by so quickly and that Christmas is only 10 days away. To me Christmas day is not as exciting as a month leading to it. And that time has come again - it's time to pass exams. Upcoming week will be packed with uni related things so I really wish everything will be great!

I've spent an awesome evening with my amazing friend on Saturday. It was a very cozy girls nigh it.
I finally bought all of my Christmas presents and I'm really happy about them!
Today I went to see ballet "The Nutcracker". It was my dream for a long time to see this ballet right before the Christmas and it finally happened! The ballet was amazing just the way I've expected :)
It's only one week left until my Christmas break! Awesome!
This week I finally found time to watch some Christmas movies and it really got me in the Christmas mood. 



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December 14, 2013

MY TOP 5 CHRISTMAS MOVIES

When it comes to Christmas time, every year I watch these movie which immediately put me on the Christmas mood. Sadly I don't have that much time to watch all the movies I want but I always find time to watch the ones I adore. 


1. Love Actually. I've mentioned it already but I can say this many more times - I LOVE THIS MOVIE. It's actually a perfect movie not only for Christmas time but the only time I watch it it's December. I think it's time to watch it again this year! After couple of years I'll probably be able to quote the whole movie. I love everything about it! It's so warm and lovely and I always tear up while watching it, I just can't help it :))



2. The Polar Express. This one is also the one I watch every year on the Christmas time. It's so nice! I think it touches the Christmas subject really nicely and you know ''Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.''

3. Home alone. Of course, it's a classic. I don't even know how many times I've seen this movie but I watch it over and over again. I especially like the scene where Kevin goes back home on the Christmas Eve. And how lovely is the scene where his mom gets back home? I like that is funny and a little bit sad and very Christmasy.



4. Elf. This is a new favorite. I've heard many times people saying that this is a perfect Christmas movie but I was always doubtful about it because I'm really not a fan of Will Ferrell. But this year I decided to finally watch it and oh my, I'm so glad I did! It's actually amazing! It's really one of the best Christmas movies ever in my opinion. And I loved the soundtrack. And of course, Zooey Deschanel is starring in it, so it's even better!



5. The holiday. It's also a great movie! I love the idea of it, it's so unusual and of course, actors are amazing. Jude Law is pretty amazing I can say. It's actually been a while since I watched it but this Christmas season I'll definitely watch it again, I remember that I liked it a lot. It's very romantic, nice and sweet so might not be for everyone but I really like it!

So what are Your favorite Christmas movies? I would love to find some new favorites :)




December 11, 2013

THE CHRISTMAS TAG

 I a big fan of tags and I'm very interested to read posts like these. I'm not even sure how I found this one but I'm so excited because it's about Christmas and I think it's pretty clear I love Christmas!

1. FAVORITE WINTER NAIL POLISH. I love all things glittery on the Christmas time so glittery nail polish must be my favorite. I've talked more about it here.

 2. FAVORITE WINTER LIP PRODUCT. My must have on winter time is some kind of a lip balm so I really like my Maybelline Baby lips in the color Pink Punch. It protects my lips from harsh winter winds and it also adds a little bit of pink to my lips which is a big plus.

3. MOST WORN WINTER CLOTHING PIECE. I guess it has to be my new favorite sweater (in the picture). I Sometimes I have to stop myself from taking it again from my closet and wearing it. It's so fluffy and cozy and warm and I love it!

4. MOST WORN WINTER ACCESSORY.  I really like wearing big and cozy scarfs on winter time and right now I'm on a mission to find a new one for my collection. 

5. FAVORITE WINTER SCENT/CANDLE. Clementines and gingerbread cookies always remind me of Christmas and I love these scents.
 I like my vanilla candles all year round and of course candle which smells like apple pie is a very good one.

6. FAVORITE WINTER BEVERAGE. I like coffee all the time and in all seasons but on winter I also really like hot chocolate. I'm going to try to make my own soon and maybe I'll share a recipe here. Marshmallows are a perfect addition to drinks like these!

7. ALL TIME FAVORITE CHRISTMAS/HOLIDAY MOVIE. Love actually. I've watched that movie many many times and I probably know lines in couple of the scenes but this movie is a perfect one for Christmas. I watch it every year and I love it very very much.

8. FAVORITE CHRISTMAS/HOLIDAY SONG. It by Mariah Carey - All I want for Christmas is You or Shaking Stevens - Marry Christmas everyone.

9. FAVORITE HOLIDAY FOOD/TREAT. I love mulled wine on Christmas time. Also gingerbread cookies, mandarins.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS DECORATION THIS YEAR? Since we still don't have our Christmas tree, my favorite decoration is probably the bowl filled with baubles and garlands. It looks so festive, I really like it. And of course, Christmas lights!

11. WHAT'S AT THE TOP OF YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST? I'm dreaming of a massage. It's been a while since I've had my last one (It's been about 2 years) and I would love to receive it. I need to relax and I just love the atmosphere of these massage salons.

12. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR HOLIDAYS THIS YEAR? My plans for holidays are the same every year. Me and my family go to my Grandma's, eat Christmas dinner, wake up early next morning and go to the Church. After that we spend the time eating a lot and just chilling all together. 


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December 9, 2013

GLITTERS EVERYWHERE


I LOVE glitters. I really like sparkly things and I'm pretty sure that having at least one sparkly thing with you can make you feel a lot nicer. And now with Christmas coming, I have the perfect excuse to wear glittery nail polish all the time. And of course, I take this chance! Last week I found this amazing and absolutely perfect nail polish. It's by Rimmel from the collection Star dust. I loved it so much that the next day I went back to the drugstore and picked up it in another color. So now I have two incredibly perfect nail polishes which I'm so happy about. 

The silver one is in the color Shooting star and the violet one is in color Moon walking. 

December 8, 2013

MY ENDLESS LIST OF GRATITUDE #2

 My city is so pretty now!
Right now I'm sitting here in a dark room light only with Christmas lights, I have candles burning and I drink my hot chocolate and I think that I've had a pretty good week! So here we go :

Snow. We finally have snow. It feels weird saying that when I claimed how much I hate winter before but Christmas just HAVE to be snowy. 
Now at university it is a crazy time and I have so many assignments every week and this week I had two more presentations to give and I'm glad to say they went pretty good!
My new favorite nail polish which is glittery and amazing. I keep staring at my nails a lot which is not that good but I just love this nail polish. 
  I loved studying in a coffee house with my adorable friend today while drinking a new favorite coffee.
This chocolate. Just look at it, it's amazing!

December 6, 2013

BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

 When December comes I immediately start decorating my room for Christmas. We don't put our Christmas tree up until the middle of December but my room is really festive from the very first days of December. I really like decorating it with all these little details. And I love how it looks now! It feels so cozy while it's so cold outside. These lights and my candles which I like so much create such an amazing atmosphere and I really like being here right now. 

♪♫♪TUNE OF THE DAY






December 3, 2013

TURN ON THESE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS



 Me and my family have always had this tradition - we always went to see new Christmas tree in town and to event when it's being light up. So whenever December (or sometimes November) comes, I always go to the same place to see how my city is starting to feel Christmas coming. It's always an exciting time to me, there isn't a time in a year which I love more than this! 

Now I'm not going there with my family, I mostly go with my friends but I try to never miss this event. Not everyone is that excited about this but I really like Christmas and everything about this time of the year so this is a must do to me. This year I went to see this beautiful Christmas tree with my lovely friend and it was such a good day. For that moment when Christmas tree is finally light up, I can turn on my Christmas mode! Are You excited for Christmas?

♫ ♪ ♫ TUNE OF THE DAY * i finally opened my Christmas folder in my computed and I must warn you - I like really cheesy Christmas songs (:




December 1, 2013

MY ENDLESS LIST OF GRATITUDE #1


In my opinion one of the things that's very important for being happy is being grateful. It's really easy to get lost or sad when you start to think that you don't have this and you don't have that and it's even worse when you start comparing yourself to others (which i'm really guilty of) because there will always be things you want but don't have or people who have a better life than you do. 
 So that's why it's essential to be grateful for things you DO have in your life. Little things do matter so you have to think about everything good you have in your life whether that's a great new dress you just bought, a nice compliment someone told you or a smile from someone you care about. 
I try really hard to keep this in my mind all the time and I have to be honest, it's really difficult. Sometimes in life it seems that there's absolutely nothing good around you but when you stop and really think - there are plenty of good things which you forget so often. 
That's why I decided to have a list here every week of things that I'm grateful for or just of things that made me happy.

My cat. I think this will be my usual thing mentioned here. That little creature which is not so little anymore makes me really happy to come back home every day. 
My amazing friend which I finally get to see after almost a month. I miss that girl so much when we can't see each other enough because of all the work we have but it's always so nice to meet her!
The presentation that I had to give this week worked out really great!
Last weekend I finally bought a new winter coat which I like so much, now I'm not so scared of winter.
November is finally over. I'm actually grateful for that, it wasn't the best month to be honest. And of course, you just have to love December because of its atmosphere!

November 29, 2013

MY HAPPY PLACE


I think now it's a really appropriate time to write this while it's almost already winter and I will soon start decorating my room for Christmas and weather probably couldn't be worse, it's a good time to remember nice things. Of course I should note that I wrote this a long time ago while still in Summer.
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There is a house just right out of the town. It is not very big one but it‘s incredibly cozy and no matter which window you choose to look through, you see all these green trees surrounding it. Right beside there is a forest. A very beautiful one. I don‘t visit there so much and that is really sad thing because I noticed that whenever I feel very overwhelmed with life, when I become so busy that I can't remember how to relax and the stress gets the best of me, I just need to escape my city and go there. After five minutes spent here I feel a lot better.
 I started to think that this house has some magic aura in it and I simply adore this little cozy house. When there are no people around, it is incredibly quiet here. It's crazy to think that city with busy streets is really really near. Oh, I just love it here. 
 On summer nights you can see stars very well and there is a little terrace here where you can lay down and count the stars in the sky. I‘m sure you would agree with me that it's an incredibly nice place if you came here.  You can also drink fresh mint tea in the morning when the birds are singing outside. And food from the grill is just the best.
I become incredibly calm, quiet and chilled once I get there. It‘s so comforting to think that my city is just minutes away from that house and if I would have a car, that would be one of my top destinations.
When rain is pouring, the birds stop singing, people become quiet and everyone is waiting for rain to pass. I adore being there when it‘s raining. Then I get to sit outside under the little roof, drink coffee or fresh mint tea and just listen how beautifully rain dances its dance. Rain is so refreshing and it is so much more beautiful outside the city and all its concrete. 

It's actually very miserable that once autumn comes, I don't get the chance to go there anymore. Now there is only a long winter ahead and only after it I will get to sit there on that cozy terrace while drinking coffee. In Autumn I become super nostalgic about many things and now I miss that place incredibly. Now would a very good time for me to go there but sadly that's not really possible.
You know, I've always wondered what it's like to have a special place you like to go to to make you feel better. i think I finally found my happy place. And what a weird and nice coincidence - this year the first and the last days of summer were spent at that house. 



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